Max Riffner

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A Guide for the Spring Design Graduate

Spring is here, as are the impending graduation ceremonies for newly-minted graphic designers, ready to shape the way we see. Now is the time to prepare you ‘soon-to-be’s so that you will assimilate gently into the marvelous world of commercial graphic design. First, some prerequisites:

1. Buy a Volkswagen. Silly, you say? Necessity, I say. All self-respecting graphic designers have these fine German automobiles for their commute. And why not? They are a thrill to drive. Just take the money your grandparents give you for graduation to use as the down payment on a lease. Do not buy, you will be stuck with last year’s model. No one likes to see last year’s Jetta, only this year’s model. While you may drive off the lot feeling like you’ve overstepped your financial bounds, remember, it is the People’s Car. Without this vehicle, you are doomed to in-house work. Look at me, I drive a Saturn, I work in-house. Nevermind what in-house designers tell you about good salaries and benefits, in-house is death.
2. Dress Sloppy. This is difficult, because one man’s slop is another’s slacks. Basically, no punk rock, no goth, no black. First, you want to dress in business casual: oxford shirt or polo, khakis, and loafers, all tucked in and neatly pressed. Next, untuck half of your shirt, but KEEP HALF IN. Lastly, for finishing touches, replace your shoes with Pumas, and if you are fond of Polos, get a tattoo on your arm, preferably something ironic, like “Helvetica” lettered neatly in black, set in Century Schoolbook. Hair is up to you and should reflect your personality. Remember, you are special.

Now we are ready Phase 1... The Interviews!

You’ve set up an interview and portfolio review with a firm. You roll up in the VW with the appropriate dress (ignore what your parents say about this, they’ll be in the soup line soon enough while you are on the fast track). You walk in, and smile to the secretary or whoever the poor bastard is who is up in the front. Take pity on them as you jet past them on the career ladder to the conference room. There, you will meet with members of the firm. They’ll go over your rèsumè first, then onto your portfolio. Now remember, no one but your mom cares about your student work (not even your professor, they just want your tuition dollars aka booze money), and the interviewers won’t care either. This is okay. Admit it is student work. This is equally true about those coming off an internship somewhere. The interviewers know you did not do this campaign or website by yourself. Don’t say you did. Tell them you contributed to the project by doing this, this and this for this piece.

After the review, shut up and don’t talk. Just listen. This is where they get a feel if you have a big head on those slumping shoulders. Don’t play your hand early here; they’ll be plenty of time to show them how smart you are once you get the job. They may ask you if you have played sports also. Reply only that you have played soccer. Soccer is safe.

Phase 2: Congratulations are in order, you’ve been hired! Don’t ask what the name of your position is; odds are you don’t have one. Your duties will include mounting, color correction, taking out the trash, making coffee, and scatters (don’t ask, no one knows why they are called ‘scatters’). You will do this job for at least three months. At this point, you’ll reach a fork in your career: either you will get to move on to an actual client job, or you will stay in production forever. Do not despair if the latter occurs. You’ll be an in-house production person shortly when you leave the firm. Trade in the VW. Buy a Hyundai.

Phase 3: A crushing blow will be dealt if you’ve actually made it to your sixth month. Your first job for a client will suck. You will feel awful. Designing in school was so much easier, wasn’t it? Let me set it up for you: your Account Manager gave you this job in good faith, but you’ve pissed it down your legs (his words). The client is demanding retribution. Someone else swoops in and redesigns the entire piece.

Again, like your fathers, some of you will freak out and leave. Enjoy your new career as a coffeehouse musician/coffeehouse server (you have the experience now). When you see old classmates at rock shows and weddings, tell them you couldn’t stand the “business” of it all and that you weren’t allowed to be “creative.” Be sure to wear sandals and trade in the VW for a 1994 Civic Hatchback. 1994 only.

Phase 4: Again, you’ve reached another milestone when you reach your ninth month (those of you still around). The Account Manager took pity on you and gave you another chance. The resulting piece doesn’t suck. When you look at yourself in the mirror, you know it isn’t great either, but you’ll be riding high on success. At this point, the firm will either keep you on or lay you off. If you get laid off, ride success all the way to an in-house gig. Trade in VW, buy a Corolla.

Phase 5: Anniversary! You’ve made it baby, and all of your work doesn’t suck. You can probably get 2 pieces into your portfolio out of 27 finals and 327 comps. Now feel free to expect the world to owe you something! To add upon your already magnificent coping and evasion skills, a few more to add to your belt:

1. Learn Microsoft Word like the back of your hand. This is where you’ll get all of your content and direction from. Sorry. Web techie geeks: you can learn how to install OpenOffice on your Mac and use that.
2. Beware the Account Manager’s wrath. Also, expect to find them missing (in the park with the others) on Friday afternoons.
3. Web Surfing and Email. Yes, they track that, and no, it isn’t an invasion of privacy. Don’t bash the boss, because they’ll read it.
4. Communication Yes, I know that the blog/bbs/message board that the company you interned with was really cool, but you need to use the newfangled communication installation where you either yell down the hall for help or get up and walk to the person you need to talk to.
5. Find a niche. Are you more technical? Welcome to web design and development. Anal? Annual Reports are your game. Painterly? Ads for you. You also get the bonus of having the Client’s Marketing department all but design the ads for you (in Word, of course), but getting to choose a color or two will appeal to the painter’s soul within.
6. Assimilate the “house” style. Those of you familiar with Marvel Comics will know of the House style (but don’t admit you read Marvel Comics! You only read Chris Ware’s Acme Novelty Library. Rinse! Repeat!). All the Bullpen artists had to conform to certain style, usually by whatever artist was popular at the time. Your firm will have a house style, and it is usually formed by whomever has been there the longest. Do that style. After your anniversary, you can begin to unseat the person who developed the house style slowly from within (hmmm, well, I wouldn’t have handled it THAT way…). It will take 7 years.

But hey, you got experience at a firm under your belt, so why stay?! Steal as many fonts and as much software as you can to strike out on your own! You’ll work twice as hard on your own than at the firm, but who needs those losers anyway?

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