Max Riffner
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Coffee Degrees
Why? Whywhywhywhywhy?!
If you are in a bigger company, there are better coffee machines, or so the logic goes. We have a cool coffee machine – but apparently it is too hard for people to figure out because every time I walk over to get coffee, something is wrong. There is either overflowing coffee (typically because people think a carafe is empty and it isn’t, so the new coffee comes spewing out the top), or people standing around dumbfounded, asking the custodian to make the coffee (like she has nothing better to do) because they don’t know how to do it themselves.
This is how easy it is to make coffee with this machine:
- Stick empty carafe into its place.
- Dump used grounds.
- Add new filter and grounds from 1 bag of your choice of Regular or Decaf (color-coded, even, orange bags go with the orange rimmed carafe for decaf).
- Press the button that says “Full Pot.”
That’s it. It is even more simple than most home coffee machines because you don’t even have to add water.
These are mostly people that have advanced degrees!
I can understand the trepidation of something like this, but this is ridiculous. It takes less than a minute to learn, and less than a minute to make.
Ha!
I’ve succeeded in pulling the strings of your co-workers for my own silly amusement of annoying the Max.
You are all sheep corralling at the coffee maker much like Pavlov’s dogs, being manipulated by the man to get your work done thanks to the influence of the caffine miracle drug.
The way I see it, you have three choices.
1) Live with it and use the irritability to fuel your liquor binges.
2) If you can’t beat them, join them in their coffee-making inadequacies.
3) Brew your own real coffee at home. The real gourmet chit, mang, and not the crap that they are trying to pass off. Something along the lines of a Mocha Sanani, a Tanzanian Peaberry or Yrga Cheffe.
Can you fuck with the packaging? Put the decaf in the regular packet and the regular in the decaf? Get ‘em all switched around, the decafers’ll be buzzing and the regulars’ll be going through withdrawals. You’ll be fine, knowing what’s been switched with what.
Then, a month later, just as everyone’s getting used to their new addiction/lack thereof, you switch ‘em again.
Then, a month later, just as everyone’s getting used to their new addiction/lack thereof, you switch ‘em again.
Odds that I would confuse myself and become one of the afflicted: significantly high.
That’s not very punny.
I don’t know what to say to that. Obviously since I had to make all the damn coffee this morning and havn’t had enough to drink, I have lost the ability to make puns.
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Mar 8, 04:13 AM
I think it is anonymous angry note posting time, Max. You know what I’m talking about. They are everywhere. They copiously clutter the lab I work in. “Don’t put dry ice in here!” “Close the freezer door completely! “Reagents go in the cupboard, not on your bench.” They are all followed by an innocent little smiley face. A weak attempt to make the statement less threatening. I think you should post a note and, instead of using the smiley face approach, slap on a grim reaper. MAKE THE COFFEE CORRECTLY OR DIE, BITCH!