Max Riffner

The Parlor

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Cozy

Every morning this week, I’ve woken up feeling like that stupid bear in the Snuggles commercials. The bed has been so warm and comfortable, and the sleep has been restful. It has been like waking up in a pile of warm towels every day.

This doesn’t make any sense at all. I have one of the world’s cheapest beds ever. I got it right after I graduated college and was about to move in with my girlfriend (eventually my wife) at El Cheapo FurnitureLand. Here was how the bargaining went:

ME: How much for this one?

METH-ADDLED SALESMAN: You don’t want that one, no, that one might be too much.

ME: Okay…

METHMAN: How about this one?

ME: Uh… how much is that?

METH: $85! Yeow! That’s a steal!

ME: Uh…

METH: $85? $85? I’ll give it to you for $65!!!!

ME: Sure?

METH: YEAOW! Let’s shake on it!!!

ME: Whoa.

There you have it, destined for uncomfort, but what was a poor graduate to do? However, this week alone, it has earned its keep and paid for its remarkably cheap-ass, so what do I know?

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