Max Riffner

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“Damn, they do need a shine.”

At Ben’s request, more script from Lorenzo’s story. I’m currently on page 23, with 5 more to go. I’ve been having such a good time that I extended the length by 6 pages (it was originally only supposed to be 22 pages).

Page 12
Panel 1
Large double shot of Ray busting into Lorenzo’s room (much like his mother). Ray is already dressed for the sockhop.
Ray (frantic): Wake up! Dang, Lorenzo, you ain’t even got your shoes shined yet!

Panel 2
Midshot of Lorenzo shooting straight up in bed. He’s shocked and surprised (not angry, though).
Lorenzo: MAN! Don’t anybody knock anymore!

Panel 3
Mid shot of Ray looking pleadingly at Lorenzo, who is looking stunned a bit still.
Ray: It is 4:55 in the PM! Lorenzo, you got an hour!

Page 13
Panel 1
Mid shot of Lorenzo jumping out of bed, his shoes directly beneath him.

Panel 2
Close up of Lorenzo’s feet landing squarely in his shoes. They do need a shine.
Lorenzo (off panel): Damn, they do need a shine.

Panel 3
Mid shot of Lorenzo with his shirt on but unbuttoned and tie in hand with Ray grabbing Lorenzo’s jacket of the bed.
Lorenzo: Grab my jacket, and let’s go!

Panel 4
Mid shot of Lorenzo and Ray in the air from the front door of Lorenzo’s building down the stoop into the street.

Page 14
Panel 1
Large Double Mid shot of Lorenzo in a shoe shine chair, getting his shoes shined. He’s got his jacket on over his unbuttoned shirt and his tie is around his neck. Ray is standing around looking nervous and impatient. The shoe shiner is busily moving.
Shoe shiner: C’mon Kid!

Panel 2
Close up of Lorenzo looking down at the shoe shiner.
Lorenzo: What?

Panel 3
Close up of the shiner looking up at Lorenzo.
Shiner: Your feet are dancin’ all over the place, son!

Panel 4
Close up of Lorenzo looking down and sheepishly grinning.
Lorenzo: Sorry!

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