Max Riffner

The Parlor

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I Have a Fever?!

Oh my. Regular posting will resume after I take the cordless drill to my face and drain the snot out. Owwie painful. My teeth hurt, for crying out loud. I’m on drugs now (thank you Doctor, thank you so damn much). This should clear up soon.

I got home yesterday afternoon and just started shivering, you know? I popped the newly purchased pills into my system and jumped into a hooded sweatshirt and wool socks and I just kept shivering. The Chief found me that way, said I was burning up. I declined her assessment, proclaiming that really, I was freezing to death. She told me that I had a fever. I think she muttered “dumbass” under her breath also.

Our future children are sooooo hosed. I will be the worst father in the land. Injuries will be treated with duct tape and summarily ignored until gangrene sets in, then the maggots come out to chew through the bad flesh. Beware, spawn of my loins. Best run to Mommy if you are sick or hurt.

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