Max Riffner
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Paging Dr. Wolfblood
My friend Tim works in Hollywood. He called me last night and told me all these hilarious true Hollywood stories, and it made my sick ass feel a bit better. This afternoon, I received the following email:
Dear Max,
I was wondering if you might like to join my live action Vampire (aka Vampyre) roll playing game. We will be fighting werewolves and human demon hunters. I can ask my conclave if they would allow me to ‘transform’ you Sunday night around 6. I would do it earlier, but my mom gets pissed when there is more than 10 people in the basement on the weekends. She’s such a hag. Oh yeah, and ‘new blood’ are required to bring pizza on the day of their awakening to the velvety darkness. Call Larry and he’ll tell you what to bring.
Welcome human cattle to a new world of terror this weekend!
-Salvador
I laughed so hard snot flew out of my nose. Thanks, Timmy!
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Sep 15, 04:29 AM
Salvador’s mom IS a hag. I’ll never forget the night of MY “awakening,” when she came downstairs and turned all of the lights on in the middle of the ceremony. She ruined what should have been THE greatest moment of my life. After all of my bretheren and I were kicked out, I went home and got on the ‘net to look up some curses to put on her. Even with that, I just couldn’t choke back the tears that were building up inside my empty soul. So, I put on my favorite Smiths album and cried myself to sleep. I can’t wait for sweet Lady Death to come and make me sleep forever. (Or until she takes Savador’s mom away. I wish she would just die! Stupid hag!)
-Louis Saint Claire, Bacchus of Gypsies