Max Riffner
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Soap Goes Into The Mouth
I picked my mother up from the airport today, horribly tired. The dogs kept me up most of the night (one of them got up and took a nasty crap in the bedroom, oddly enough). Anyhow, a cabbie almost ran a light as we were going through an intersection leaving the airport. He saw the light, and saw us, and almost decided to crawl through the intersection anyway. I then uttered “Fucking Prick“ in a low, gutteral growl.
And then I realized that I had just not only dropped an F-bomb in front of my mother, but then I had added the word “prick,” in front of my mother.
I’ve only swore once in front of my mother, after I had taken a corner too sharp on my dirt bike and wiped out on gravel. She collected me and took me home, and I mentioned the “goddamn gravel” (I was all of eight, I think). She told me never to swear in front of her again, and I hadn’t, ever.
I told her I was sorry. I was distracted for the rest of the car ride to my parent’s home.
Later, when describing herself, she thought of herself as a “perky bitch,” which made me laugh. I told her I just thought of her as perky, which she then said was good. We both agreed that I had best not think of her as a bitch.
My mom is the church lady (secretary, organist, etc).
Stopped by mine and my brother’s house one afternoon and started telling us about some cultural understanding class she was taking for her masters at UNO. Mostly “non traditional” students like her in the class. So the teacher shows them “Do The Right Thing,” but she tells us the story about how he prepared them.
“He told the whole class, repeat after me: motherfucker. And so we all said motherfucker.”
She might have only said it two or three times, but I would pass a lie detector test saying that my mom said motherfucker 160 times while my brother’s then my heads exploded, and our rommated giggle his ass off.
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Feb 11, 01:55 PM
My mom’s favorite word is dammit. If we were running late for church when I was a child she used to get really ticked and mumble “dammit” in the car. It shouldn’t have surprised her that the first curse word I uttered in her presence was none other than…dammit. I dropped my purse in a big puddle when she was dropping me off at school one morning. As it splashed in the water I said “dammit” and she said “we will talk about this when you get home.” I will never forget it.