Max Riffner

The Parlor

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"Ya Shoulda Killed Me Last Year."

If I ever made a movie with a chase scene, I’d have New Jack Hustler by Ice-T as the soundtrack to the chasing. You know, in homage of New Jack City, where undercover cop Ice chases down Chris Rock then just shoots him in the foot because he was tired of running.

Classic.

In other news, Ice-T has a new show on VH1 called Ice TV: The Cult Sh—t. This is my new favorite show of all time. Basically, Ice-T is your host on all the cool underground culture from the ‘70s to today. The show I watched last night featured Shaft, the best kills of Jason Vorhees (of Friday the 13th), Sonny Chiba (lots of Street Fighter scenes), Debbie Does Dallas, Caged Heat, the Wu-Tang Clan, Gwar, Suicidal Tendencies, Repo Man, and The Legend of the Overfiend.

As my friend Tim said, basically it is a show “like every conversation we had at Perkins at 4 in the morning over cigarettes and coffee while in high school.”

Yes. Yes that sums it up nicely. Except the only thing we were missing was Ice-T, and he makes everything better. It was weird to watch a show and know of everything that was being talked about. I’ve seen, heard, or listened to all of that.

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